Consonant deletion to slow COVID-19
TIER 1: P → F
The above video was being passed around in email. Couldn't track down the creator.
Possibly based on a serious linguistics publication at newswise.com/~ originating from RUDN University in Moscow, otherwise known as the PEOPLE’S FRIENDSHIP UNIVERSITY OF RUSSIA, and from which publication I have borrowed the red profile above spitting out viruses as it spits out the sounds [p], [t], [k], as well as the blue profile which avoids speaking [p], [t], [k], and thus spits less and not as far.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND, THOUGH, IS THAT THE ABOVE VIDEO IS SATIRE, MAKING FUN OF THE MANY NONSENSICAL MEASURES BEING TAKEN TO CONTAIN THE COVID-19 VIRUS BY PROPOSING A NEW MEASURE EVEN MORE NONSENSICAL. TO BE ABLE TO FOLLOW IT WILL TAKE SEVERAL HEARINGS FOR WHICH THE PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT BELOW MAY BE HELPFUL TO READ AS THE VIDEO PLAYS.
Anyone speaking to other people in a public place will have to stop using the plosive sound
Anyone sfeaking to other feofle in a fublic flace will have to stof using the flosive sound
Failure to do so could lead to a fine, or even prison.
Failure to do so could lead to a fine, or even frison.
The whole population, even members of parliament, will all have to play their part in this.
The whole fofulation, even members of farliament, will all have to flay their fart in this.
TIER 2: T → N
Although this may cause some initial confusion, as for example teachers in schools
Although this may cause some initial confusion, as for examfle neachers in schools
will face challenges when teaching the ten times tables, we are confident any problems
will face challenges when neaching the nen nimes nables, we are confidenn any froblems
will be temporary, and measures under Tier Two will help turn the tide of this pandemic.
will be nemforary, and measures under Nier Noo will helf nurn the nide of this fandemic.
TIER 3: K → L
The rules under Tiers One and Two will continue, with the addition of the sound K being banned, to be replaced by L
The rules under Niers One and Noo will conninue, with the addition of the sound K being banned, to be reflaced by L
We have considered these measures carefully, in line with recommendations from professors at
We have lonsidered these measures larefully, in line with relommendations from frofessors an
Cambridge University. These new rules will apply not only to English, but also
Lambridge Universiny. These new rules will affly non only noo English, bun also
to other languages spoken in this country, including Turkish, Polish, Portuguese, and Italian.
noo other languages sfolen in this lounnry, inlluding Nurlish, Folish, Fornuguese, and Inalian.
I urge people to be calm and carry on. Together we can conquer the pandemic and return to normality in no time at all
I urge feofle noo be lalm and larry on. Nogether we lan lonler the fandemil and renurn noo normaliny in no nime an all.